Bumping into Voldemort so unexpectedly brought a torrent of emotions and thoughts. During our hug-a-thon, I realised I really loved him. I believe we were in love but too stubborn to admit that weakness to ourselves and each other. To him, I owe an incalculable amount of gratitude.

I didn’t die. I just lacked inspiration. And just, the fuck, like that, it came back. Since I last put pen to paper, so much has happened. I turned 40, and they were right: you don’t really give a shit when you get there. I am over being the bigger man, so some relationships can fuck off and die. A pessimistic approach? Not at all! My little swimmers are full of zest, and I stand here a proud father. Sadly, I lost my own, but am glad he got to meet his grandkids. I suspect conversations were held in hushed voices around me, pertaining to my lack of interest in nuptials prior to siring offspring. One drunken cousin blurted out in the car that the whole family was breathing a sigh of relief, perhaps in unison, at my becoming a real man. They had all, apparently (my eye roll could power a small village), been worried that I could be one of those gays they saw in Generations—a now-cancelled soapie about different (predominantly black) characters navigating life and urban culture in Johannesburg that dared to introduce some gay characters.

I didn’t have children to prove a point. As I approached 40, something clicked or aligned, and I felt a yearning to have children of my own. No one was hoodwinked into the situation, and despite the sleep deprivation, I have no regrets.

The walls Voldemort broke down led me to this and many other cherishable moments. Since him, I have fallen in love with a French man. He was, and still is, very hot, but the timing was unfortunate as I had started the journey to fatherhood. Another young local doctor also threw his hat in the ring and suffered the same fate. Most recently, I dated a longtime friend. It smacks different when it’s a friend because you have history and a platonic love that transcends many layers, expectations and realities. This is noteworthy because it lasted longer than anything I’ve tried and both challenged and motivated me to grow in ways I formerly resisted. Again, NO REGRETS! We will circle back at some point. Just not today.