First Contact

My friend is one of those gays.  You know the ones I’m talking about: the all together bottom who is always on point .  This bitch has come to several a get together with a toiletry bag. I’m all for being prepared for sex with random people, but I feel bringing a preparation kit to be too optimistic. And yet, that bitch always gets laid.

Always.

I, however, am the homosexual you only notice later on in the night, when your date has gone to the bathroom, to pee for the sixth time in two hours.  Does he have a bladder infection? Maybe.  Is he kissing someone in the bathroom? Probably.

You finally notice I’m cute, or you’re drunk enough to think it.  You swagger/stumble closer, and ask me about myself. I giggle. It’s not a sound a deep bass should ever make.  I’m now trying to die of embarrassment, but death escapes me. We sit on a couch close to two people kissing. We stop talking to watch them kiss, and I’m already giving kissing lessons in my head:

“the aim is not to clean his throat with your tongue sweets. Also, why both your lips look like they sweating?”

I turn back to you, and share too much about myself.  I tell you that I’m at the University of Zimbabwe, doing computer science. You make a joke about nerds and how hot they are. I know you’re lying, because all the nerds I know look like they were part of the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park.  But I say nothing, mainly because if a nigga is acting like he wants to give you dick, and you want it, you don’t fuck it up.

We continue talking, your hand accidentally lands on my thigh. It stays there.  I accidentally hit you on the chest, repeatedly, when you make a clever joke. You lean in, smile, and you come even closer. My lips brush yours, and I hear someone clear their throat behind us.

I see my toiletry bag friend, and frown at him. He glares at you, and you look embarrassed.  It hits me then you brought a date to this thing.  It also hits me I’m literally the only guy who’s failed to hook up with anybody at the party.

So I get a ride in the kombi with my short shorts, showing off more leg than any man should at 7 pm. What’s worse is I’m a nice light brown skin tone everywhere else, but my thighs hit a yellow that everyone notices. And the man sitting next to me smiles and moves a bit to let me fold my tall bony ass into the seat properly.

I’m about to plug my earphones in and drown my feelings out, when two WhatsApp messages come in. The first is a shirtless pic of the guy I almost kissed. The second is a message that reads

“tell me you wanted to kiss me too”

I respond with a smiley face, and a “maybe”.