Anofuga Gumbezi Sei

I came out to my mother this weekend. It sounds idyllic and brave, but the truth is much shittier. I came out to my mother after being found in my bed with an almost completely naked man nuzzling my neck whilst he cuddled my unconscious body.

Please note, he’s not a random naked man. He’s my younger than me, rather toned boyfriend who everyone now refers to as boyfriend in C minor. He’s boyfriend in C minor who got shitfaced in the bar, and could not direct a taxi to his home if his life depended on it.

So I had to walk him home. Actually, we walked to my home. He was drunk, like I said. We’ve entered the house the way stealthy drunk people do: knocking into everything and almost dropping it, shrieking quietly when they almost drop something.

Considering how cramped my kitchen and passage are, I’m pretty sure it sounded like large mice squealing in baritone. We made it to bed, where I promptly put my pyjamas on, and he promptly removed all clothing to show me how erect he was. In my drunk state, of course, I clapped wildly, but quietly.

We finally got into bed, after an intense thirty minutes of deep throating and analingus, we figured no one was cumming. Again, we are drunk. So I might have been measuring time wrong. We pass out. No underwear has been put on by BF in C minor.

I awake after hearing my mother go “hmmm!” and banging my door. Bf’s lips have almost covered my entire ear. I slowly get out of bed, and turn to look at bf. He has somehow managed to cover himself entirely, except his ass. My only question, after a second of admiring his ass is “how much did mum see?”

Pretty much everything, it seems. My mum is waiting for me with ill-hidden anger, and immediately launches into it when I get into the kitchen. “ndiani iyeye? Is he a boyfriend? Is he a friend, who is that person?”

She realises she’s shouting. Tries to temper her anger, and I say “ can we talk about it later?” She curtly nods, and goes to water her green peppers(yes. The woman might love them more than her children.)

I return to find the offensive ass-out-of-blanket bandit has his clothes on, is looking scared and is going “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry”. I nod numbly, and escort him out. He turns by the door to offer one final apology, and finds that I’ve already closed and locked it behind him.

At this point, it hits me what’s about to happen, and I call my best friend. He tells me “you’re always welcome here. Just about everyone knows you gay and they don’t give a fuck”. That’s not in any way reassuring, but I feel glad to have the option anyway.

My first words are “Mum, I’m gay.” I try to go further, but my throat constricts, thinks if we can salvage the situation, we need to stop here. Knowledge is powerful and world-ending sometimes. I’m not sure I want to end this specific world yet. I have too many happy memories, lazy Sundays and binging week days to give it all up so easily.

Mum nods, and goes “ok.”

I break down in tears and begin hyperventilating. It’s only then that I realise how much has hinged on her response, and how badly it could have all ended. My mum looks shocked as she rushes forward to hug me, and goes “go wake your boyfriend up. We’re eating in a couple of minutes.”

I tell her he’s already left. She nods and asks, blushing slightly.

“but anofuga gumbeze sei asi?”