Born This Way

There is a dearth of decent looking men in England. British men look like incest, to be honest, all of them do. I suppose generations of inbreeding will have you looking like that, bad teeth, extremely pale skin (like I am ready to for my body viewing pale) and this is why I have not had much sex in England.

I did though recently start seeing a Nigerian Bisexual British man. Before we started seeing each other he contended that women give better blow jobs than men. I was offended. We all know (including women) that no one gives better head than a gay man. We were literally born for blowjobs. Fight me this is a statement of fact and I do not care what anyone else says. 

So Naija man and I finally meet up and we start making out. He is a great kisser, full lips, but could do better at knowing how to use his tongue. Then I went down on him and gave him a blowjob which he responded by gasping “oh my days’ ‘ before he convulsed and came. He says he has never come before from head and given his physical expressions I was inclined to believe him. However, he did not go down on me. Now, I often do not like men going down on me because I always feel like I give better head but he did not even feign wanting to eat this booty like groceries! And listen I do not particularly enjoy this too but I am a firm believer in reciprocity –offer it and even if it is not my favorite thing I will appreciate it. It will warm me up and I will feel like we are both investing. And when I prepare for sex, I put in the work I prepare my ass, exfoliate it and leave it smelling fresh and ready to be ate up so I was upset that did not happen. Something I was sure to tell him. 

The sex was definitely better than the foreplay. He has one of those firm thick veiny dicks that fill you up and just always look angry and ready to cause damage. I like those ones because I enjoy putting them in their place. What can I say, I am a brat in the bedroom if you do not bend me over and put your foot on my neck, I will ride you till your dick breaks. Mid ride Naija man exclaims “own it baby. Own it”. This is when the Stormzy song made so much sense, British slang or “road” as they call it is very different from the US slang I am used to. But dick is dick wherever you are and yes I owned it. All two times. Naija man will be no more for reasons I shall perhaps get into later but I am glad to have taken one for all the girls and set the record straight (laughs in gay): we suck dick like our lives depend on it.